Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Total Charge: Spirit, Soul and Body

I once said to you that we are spirits, who reside in bodies and possess souls. Tripartite beings, that's what we are. You knew this? Oh well. But do you take of 'yourself'; as in every part of you?

I recently made a fresh commitment. Fresh is an apt qualifier in this case because there'd been lots of attempts. I'm taking charge of my life again. Taking it back from the reins of purposelessness, mindless, routinous 'living'. Is that even living? Okay, it sounds pretty dramatic. If you know me, you would know that it appears as if I have it all under control. Not one to be living a purposeless life. Maybe, it's because I have a different opinion of purpose.

A life of purpose is a life that acts, not reacts. And that is what I've been doing a lot. Reacting. It's time to start acting. Doing what I do because I planned to do it. I welcome you to my experience.

SPIRIT- I'm going to take care of my spirit from now on. You see, the spirit needs to eat. It deserves the right to be nourished so that it can remain robust and alert. My spirit, my inner core needs to be constantly hooked up to the source from which he came.

"And God breathed into man and he became a living soul".

So in short he gave spirit to that soul. So, I'm hooking back up again. To a direct connection to the blast of that nostril. 

I intend to achieve that by;

1. Praying everyday; really every moment. You know keeping in touch with he who made me. Oh. by the way, I believe I was made. I'm too intricately put together for anything else. I have to have been made by something that wasn't made. You get?

2. God, who made me said somethings, yes he spoke about what he likes and doesn't like. I have to read those daily (the Bible) and the word spoken from the mouth of people who walk with him. Wouldn't want to offend the life giver.

3. Doing what he wants. With each successive act of rebellion, I've undertaken in the past. I deadened my spirit. So, sin hurt me eventually. I need to reverse that trend by a conscious reminder to live up to the 'calling'.

4. Giving. Not of money alone. But of essence, time, talents to help the world. That soothes the spirit. The knowledge that it has a purpose. 

I'll tell you about how I'm handling the health of my body and my soul in a follow up post. Join me in this journey and tell me what else can help you and I.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Living - Short Story

“I’ll be in Lagos soon. I’ll stay only a few days. I can’t wait to see you”, Tricia, my old friend says.
She lives in Abuja, and is just out of a two year relationship with her boyfriend.
“We’ll go to the mall. I’ll take you to dinner. It’ll be a blast. It’s been like... what... five years?”
“A blast”, I say, thinking as I get down to this business of marriage, surely single ‘blasting’ friends are important.
Connections are important. She’ll take a cab from the airport, bring a ‘few’ things.

“We live in a small flat”, I tell her. So you have to sleep on the couch in the parlour, because Tony and I would be sleeping in our bed while the twins sleep on their cots. Not that you can sleep there”, making a half hearted attempt at humour, my confidence slipping.
“Not to worry, she says. Can you believe we’re thirty already. We’ll talk, talk and talk.There’s so much to talk about.”
Uh huh, I say, thinking she’s always been interesting and she’s an Abuja babe. So for sure we’ll have lots to talk about.

Wednesday arrives. I put on my jeans and tie my braids in a pony tail and make room in the kid’s wardrobe. Tricia always was a clotheshorse.
There’s a knock on the door. I rush outside to the cab. There she is looking as chic as ever; flawless, fair skin, perfectly done weave parted down the side of her face and falling down in waves down her shoulder. She is wearing thin True Religion jeans and white gold jewellery.
We hug and shriek and gurgle all at once. It’s like ‘yesterday’ and what best friends we always were. We don’t dare mention that we had a terrible fight in the University and ended up not speaking to ourselves for several years.
“You look fabulous, I say. So hot.”
“So do you”, she says, her smoky eyes scanning my homely outfit. My C- section won’t let me wear my ‘skinnies’.

I carry two of her bags up the stairs and she carrying the smaller bag, murmuring that her ankle aches her when she carries heavy stuff. She is wearing four inch Louboutin shoes.
“Here we are, I say, opening the door and leading the way into the flat. My nanny carries Tami out to meet us in the parlour. Timi, my son, is still asleep.
“Very nice”, she says, when she views my flat. “So cute”, she coos at Tami.
She proceeds to unpack several gorgeous outfits and hangs them in the closet space, pushing aside Tami and Timi’s few Sunday pieces. Her Clinique makeup and bottles take up the entire bathroom top. I am wondering what Tony would think.

Over juice we talk a while. She tells me about her former boyfriend, Ahmed. That she’s “out there now. I have to live”
“Let me make semo for you and then we’ll watch Africa Magic”, I suggest, feeling already exhausted.
She looks horrified. She doesn’t eat  “like that”. Nor should I. “Fat”, she repeats several times. She wants to eat out at Halchz, in the mall.
“Oh well, she’s paying”, I assure myself.

I call a taxi and at the restaurant, she floats from the car, rushing ahead while I fumble in my bag for the fare.
In a high pitched American accent, Tricia orders Merlot and a delicious dinner. We talk about Abuja and her travels to London, Dubai and New York and she says offhandedly that Ahmed took her to Europe for the weekend many times.
She is interesting and informed on many levels. She then goes on about her need to find a new man. “Gotta live”, she says. The bill arrives on a steel tray. It sits.
“Well, it was a wonderful dinner”, I say.
She waves her bejewelled fingers. “When you visit in Abuja, I’ll reciprocate”
“Reciprocate?”
She nods. “Yes, I have to teach you to live. Look at me, I learn, look, live”
“Wow”
I pay the high bill on my already empty debit card. I assure myself that this is once in a lifetime.

She talks about the few dates she snatched up since Ahmed. How depressing she found it. “They just aren’t ‘it’. Hausa guys know how to treat a woman;  I’m not sure about these other guys.”
The following three days, she drags me to the cinema, a comedy show, the dainty shops that line Awolowo Road, and the Clinique shop where the bottles are replenished. She stays up all night watching E!. She loves Kim Kardashian’s buttock job. I’m exhausted.

In the morning, I’m changing Timi’s diaper when she says I have to get my nails done. I say  it’ll be dangerous because I may poke the twin’s in the buttock when I insert their suppository.
“You’re too fearful of everything. You have to live”, she replies.

Finally it’s the last day. After slipping into her heels, Tricia insists her ankles are aching her, so I carry her luggage downstairs. We hug. We cry. We promise to go to London together sometime and definitely we’ll call every day. What fun we had. She blows a kiss and we wave until the taxi disappears down the street.

Back at the flat, I put a pot of water on the cooker and pour semo powder in, turning it over so vigorously, sweat pours down my face. I wrap it up and put it in a warmer. For Tony when he returns. I live.

This story of mine was published on Bella Naija today. The plot was inspired by a piece by my 73 year old new writing mentor. Picture credits are Bella Naija's.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

419 - A Young Woman's Experience

I usually take a bike to a certain stop before I get a cab to work. Today, all eight bikes I stopped wouldn’t agree to take me (weird!). I decided to cross over. After waiting  5 minutes and flagging down two more bikes, I eventually stopped a cab. He said he was going my way. I got in the front seat. A well dressed guy got in the backseat.
Fast forward two minutes, the driver stops the car and the guy at the back gets off. He did not pay. The driver and I call his attention (He was already half way across the street). Guy returns. Hands over a note to driver (Fare is 50 naira). On opening his hand, driver realises it is ... wait for it... 5 British pounds!! Driver and I look askance. I ask bewildered, “na fake money?!”  Driver says,  “no na real!” Driver calls him back.
Guy returns. And after muttering some indecipherable language (maybe French), he hands over another note to driver. Guy hurriedly leaves. Driver opens hand and viola.... it is a 10 dollar note and a 5 dollar note. I am gobsmacked! What is going on? Driver calls him back and says to me, sombre faced, “Madam, I’m a Christian, I have to tell him the money is ‘over’. Guy is called back.
Driver- “Oga, this money you gave me is too much. My money is 50 naira. Are you a foreigner?”
Guy-  Mutters gibberish.  Gabon and Francais decipherable.
Driver- "Where are you going? Or do you want me to take you to Gabon embassy to change the money?"
And this is where FeistyPen bolts, calmly and very dignified.
I turn around, to see just if my sensors were merely in overdrive.  But alas they were right on target. Car and driver and man are nowhere to be seen. I look further down the road and all I see is a cloud of dust. The speed is toh badt!

I shoulda known or should I have?!
1.   I have been travelling this route every work day for the past year or so. No more than 2 bikes refused to go to my stop. Today, it was a record eight!
2.   After crossing and waiting to flag down a cab, a convoy of ten cars stop in front of me as if trying to hit me. A mere coincidence? Maybe, but it sure was unusual.
3.   Cabs do not normally ply that route especially if it isn’t ‘drop’. Today’s was a first. Definitely unusual, but I was running late.
4.   Guy at the backseat never actually said a word or told driver where he was going. But driver ‘knew’ and stopped.
5.   Driver sounded so sure when he said, “The money na real. Must have been  to sow the seed for later use!
6.    When driver asked man if he was a foreigner and would like to be taken to the Gabon Embassy to change the money, my typical Las gidi response should have been, “Wetin consign you?” and by the way is the friggin Gabon Embassy on the way to Epe?!

This is what would have happenned if I stayed:

If I was still in the cab after guy acquiesces to go to the Gabon Embassy, driver would have made an effort to drive a few more metres towards my final destination. On the way, either driver or guy would have asked, the“madam, you fit help us change some of  money?” Notice the use of 'us' . This is some two-man gang squad! Driver would  have brought out some of his own naira and changed a small amount to get me to relax. Then I may have brought out some of mine, since the driver was changing his too. As soon as my naira touches their hand and their ‘dollar’ mine,  it is at this point they say, the “jazz transfers”.

The jazz in question is capable of instilling in you an uncanny desire to change naira, yours, your father’s, your friend’s, your company’s...... into dollars and that is when your dilemma begins. You may need to sell your house!

I escaped. Thank God. Yes, I thank him. It is interesting to note that the decision to get off the cab wasn’t really much of a decision; just my hand moving to the door knob in a split second and the rest of my body following suit.

Guys, I had 70, 000 naira in my bag, and it is just the fifth of the month. Some starving there eh!

And oh yes, the first bike I flagged down after the incident, carried me with no incident. Go figure!

Have you had any experience like this before? What do you think made you escape if in fact you did?

Friday, April 29, 2011

7 Quirky Things About This Royal Wedding


Bride did her make up- The new Duchess of Cambridge did her own wedding makeup! She is said to have taken lessons from a make up artist Arabella Preston who went up to private flat in Chelsea and even to Clarence House to teach her a thing or two. She was reported to have disliked the professional makeup job done on her face before her engagement party and wiped it off and resolved to go the DIY route. In Nigeria, that’s some 50,000 saved!
The couple kissed twice - Traditionally, the bride and groom of blue blood usually treat the couple to a public show of affection on the Buckingham palace balcony. But no sooner had the couple treated us to a quick, sweet kiss, did screams of Kiss again! Kiss again rent the air, and for the first time in British royal history, we got a second more swoon inspiring kiss.Not everyone enjoyed that kiss...

All them hats - Lord! The British love their hats. From the fancy work of art worn by Princess Eugene , William’s cousin to the reindeer like affair donned by Princess Beatrice of York, Bea’s sister to the glam piece on the pony tail of the ever stoic Victoria Beckham, one is just left wondering if they are in a contest to outdo each other.
The Groom's royal; cousin's Eugenie and Beatrice in their Philip Treacy hats

Zara Phillips, William's cousin in Phillip Treacy too

The groom's garndmother, England's reigning Monarch in a sunny yellow ensemble
Duchess of Cornwall, Groom's step mom in Phillip Treacy, ok, he made over 100 hats at this wedding
Princess Mathilde of Belgium in Phillip Treacy
Princess Marie Chantell of Greece

VICTORIA BECKHAM AND DAVID BECKHAM    photo | David Beckham, Victoria Beckham
Victoria and David Beckham

Princess Anne, younger sister of Prince Charles, father of the groom
Queen Sophia
Queen Magrethe of Denmark
Sophie, Countess of Wessex






Marriage sermon was straight to the point- As a Nigerian and one who has attended lots of weddings, I couldn’t help but notice the brevity of the sermon given by the Archbishop of London. I updated my status on Facebook saying, “Great job, Priest, sharp sharp service, anything they haven’t learnt by now...well....! A lot of advice is needed before marriage but the wedding service is hardly the time and place for it!
The Queen does not sing as everyone sings to her- As the marriage ceremony wore on and it was time to sing the 'national anthem', it was glaringly obvious that the Queen was not singing. Alas, that was because she was being sung to and so she just looked on, albeit soberly. God save the queen, the Brirtish un official anthem goes and if it was a King, it wouldhave been God save the King. The whole anthem issue is embroiled in a controversy right now as certain quarters call for an enactment of a 'proper' anthem.
Reception cake is shaped like a crown- The couple asked the McVities company to bake a chocolate and biscuit wedding cake for them using the Royal Palace recipe( a craving of Prince William) . And it's shaped like a crown. Go figure!
 The McVities Chocolate Cake
But of course the Queen still got them a more traditional befitting(ahem) cakeRoyal Wedding Cake Kate and William Details, Pictures and Design.
Crowd throws their own party- This is one wedding in which even if you don't get an invite, you get to throw your own party and spend your money. Over 5000 street partis have been organized throughout England and people will be spending their pounds. Imagine that! This is one of the few reasons why it wouldn't be too easy to abolish the monarchy as proposed by the republicans. Face it, the monarchy does bring tourists to Britain!


Only Kate got a ring- And, oh, I forgot, only one ring was exchanged. Apparently Prince William wouldn't be wearing any. WeirdWilliam and Kate exchange vows!

I hope you enjoyed reading. If you did watch the Royal wedding between Will and Kate , please drop your comments about the quirky things you notuced too. Cheers and One Love!!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Fela; Not without honour

When news broke on the internet and other more traditional media outlets that Fela!, the Broadway show was showing in the United Kingdom and the United States, I was one of those people who wondered why it was non Nigerians who thought to honour the most prolific musician, entertainer and multi-instrumentalist from our shores. Hunched over my laptop, I cast my mind back to when I was a little girl and would go on visits to my uncle’s and all he had in the way of music were large, round gramophone records with the picture of this bare chested man with a cocky grin.

But not everyone in my generation is fortunate enough to have gone to the school of Fela! Especially for people in generations after mine, the knowledge of Fela and his message is almost nonexistent which is almost typical of the Nigerian system which allows pivotal elements of our history and culture to be replaced by the dictates of European and other foreign popular culture, when we have many aspects of our own culture to celebrate and uphold! So for those of us who don’t know, here is a short break down of the legend that is Fela!

His music: Afrobeat

Afrobeat was pioneered by Fela; a complex fusion of Jazz, funk, psychedelic rock, Nigerian/ Ghanaian High life and traditional West African chants and rhythms which he sung mainly in pidgin and sometimes Yoruba. Characterized by the use of many instruments such as the baritone saxophone, muted Western style guitars, drums, trumpets, horns and the shekere, the performances of Afrobeat utilized a large orchestra and many vocalists and dancers and was known to be very outlandish and wild. A typical African audience delight!

Art: not for the sake of art alone

Fela chose to use his music as a political tool to speak against the infringement of human rights, dictatorships and European cultural imperialism. His music spoke out against the subjugation of the African race, the exploitative side of modern religion and the evil monopoly of multi- nationals. It is easy to imagine that if Fela was singing his music now in 2011, it would unlikely consist of carefully prepared political praise. After all, praise singers are not sent to prison over two hundred times!

Influence on Pop Culture

In recent years there has been a revitalization of Fela’s influence on music and popular culture, culminating in another re-release of his catalog controlled by Universal Music, off-and-on Broadway biopic shows, and new bands, such as Antibalas, who carry the Afrobeat banner to a new generation of listeners.
After a private listening session for her label’s bosses, Beyonce says that her fourth studio project set to be released in June 2011 is inspired by, wait for it, Fela’s music! “How random”, she says.

Her husband, Jay Z at the opening of the Fela! Broadway show in the States, and speaking to MTV news on why he chose to produce the show had this to say, “It’s an inspiration, about the power of music. Here’s a guy that’s on the other side of the world who was influenced by James Brown, who takes this thing and makes his own sort of genre of music. I just think it’s fascinating.”

With the above it is clear that Fela’s life and music has had a far reaching effect across the boarders of the country he called home. But where are the Millions of Nigeria’s who Fela sang to?  What expression of inspiration have they shown?

The salience of these questions becomes even more glaring when compared with recent remarks from Yeni Kuti in her interview with Glory Edozien, featured in Elan magazine,
“It saddens me that there aren’t many afro beat bands. When I go to America they are playing afro beat, even in Japan there are Afrobeat bands. Everybody, expect us on in Nigeria. We need to claim afrobeat as ours before they take it away from us, because one day we’ll wake up and it doesn’t belong to us anymore. They will carry our thing if we don’t look after it. It’s worrying and saddening. More corporate organizations need to look into keeping afro beat in Nigeria. The band that plays for Fela! on Broadway, for example, is an all white afro beat band.”

Of course there isn’t anything wrong with other cultures being inspired by Afrobeat and its originator, Fela. The point here is we ourselves need to imbibe our own culture instead of waiting for others to do it first.

Without honour at home

Eye brows have been raised as to why it is the foreigners who are producing, directing and acting Fela!  Where is Nollywood and the Nigerian music industry in all of this? Why is the lead role not acted by one of his sons and possibly one of our own musicians. This leads me to think that it sometimes takes the foreigners to remind us of what great treasure we have. It is humbling, this great appreciation by foreigners of Fela’s music, especially when the statement of Stephen Hendel, the lead producer of the show is considered in context; “The culture here is very US- centric. The US does not normally go beyond its borders for artistic inspiration.”

Peradventure it would take Fela! showing in Lagos in a few days for us, Nigerians to see just what great talent we had in our midst and who still lives on in his music. Fela is the Chinua Achebe equivalent for music in Nigeria, the Prophet and Chief Priest of the Kingdom of Afrobeat and the one who chose to speak truth to power, giving us such evocative lingo such as “shuffering and shmiling” which in my opinion deserves a special place in the African dictionary.

For someone who dashed hopes that he would become a doctor and instead chose to pursue his love for music, pioneering his own unique Afro beat brand in 1967, his music speaks of hope, angry defiance against institutionalized oppression and the equality of all human race, which have now become much clearer since his passing in 1999.

It is worthy to note that any entertainment industry support fund would be best used in honoring such great legends who stood for something with far greater value than just entertainment.

This article was first published on Bella Naija on the 27th of April, 2011- as part of its Fela Tribute Week. Picture credits- africatheaterusa.com

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Mad World- Short Story

Nothing in Caca’s seventy years of existence could have prepared her for this experience. Not even when she had given birth to her son fifty years ago in a midwife’s hut called MY CHILD far away from civilisation. The son she hadn’t spoken to in six months.

Her captors spoke in voices that betrayed youth; hesitancy flitting through their eyes every now and again. “The world had indeed gone mad, she thought, children who should still be suckling at their mother’s breast?”
The leader handed the phone to her, and in gruff tones he said, “tell him ten million naira by tomorrow or you’ll never be seen again”.

She could hear wailings in the background. Her daughter-in-law’s voice stood out; filled with the terror of the unknown. It dawned on Caca that indeed absence made the heart grow fonder. She missed them; she had been so foolish. The phone slipped out of her hands. A slap blinded her momentarily.

This is what it had come to; the relentless lure for vengeance that came from idleness and a battered self esteem; a misplaced use of energy though, seeing as she was one of their own; a daughter of the land of oil. Her son was just a mere actor and she, a wheezing, cackling bag of bones. It was absurd but then this was real. Fear held her in its unyielding grip.

Sleep that night was tortuous. The cold cement floor and the fat noisy mosquitoes conspired to give a new meaning to fitful sleep, and even once she opened her eyes and saw the butt of a gun pressed to her feet.
She wanted to ease herself. The leader roused himself, obviously disgusted at the disturbance.
“May your mother’s bladder burst!” she swore under her breath.
Can I have some privacy? she asked as he hovered over her just near some tall elephant grass, the steel of the AK47 glinting in the early moonlight.
He snorted.
“Never mind”, she said.
                            ******
Today was the day. She knew her son would try to get the money. Mother-son bond was a hard one to break. But she resented that.
She scanned the deserted area and knew screaming was not an option. One shot from that gun……!
On getting up, a land mark came in view. Her smile spoke a million words.
When the sun rose properly, he handed her the phone, “Tex Junction, 2.00pm”
She only nodded.
She said softly and clearly into the mouthpiece, “We expect you at 2.00pm, Tex junction, ayen mi.
He frowned and snatched the phone back.
“I didn’t ask you to say that one; he knows he’s your child!”.
The distant sound of a car was heard in the distance as it sliced through the air.
“No car passes here”, he said to his assistant, his brow furrowing.
But the sound soon faded away; hope knocking the wind out of Caca as it took its leave.
Fidgety, he redialled the number and said into the phone, “we are waiting or we kill her!”
“We are here, a voice said, put up your hands and drop your weapons!”.
Her son stared back at her from the door; a shadow of himself.
“Ayen-mi”, she said and collapsed in his arms.
Her captors were rounded up by the policemen; with heads hung loose, eyes filled with cold defiance.
                                                 ****
Across the fields, a ramshackle hut stood forlorn and on it hung the fading wood board with the words: AYEN-MI
Mother and son looked at each other.
“Thank you for understanding and remembering”, Caca said to her son.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

This is how it is supposed to be

This is how it is supposed to be. Vying for votes is supposed to be like getting a beautiful woman to marry you. After parading yourself as an eligible suitor and reeling off your list of assets, you should then sit back and let her make her choice.

You may be old, venerable and honest. You may be young, good looking but relatively inexperienced in the ways of the world. You may be charismatic, intelligent but relatively unpopular. You may be a lucky son from a large influential family. Or your village may share a boundary with her fathers’. But whatever it is, it is her choice to make.

It gets even more interesting if you notice that she is having second thoughts; wavering on the brink of decision, deluged by the combinations of pros and cons, for(s) and against(s). Your love for her (ahem!) may then propel you to try all the tricks within your book to get her to SEE more clearly, including casting aspersions on your fellow suitors. It’s all good. All is fair in love and war, they say.

You may need to get an endorsement from her beloved Secondary School teacher or promise her that you would allow her enjoy more equality with you, which she would consider very attractive because she doesn't understand that that is the way 'normal' couples behave. (And in instances of super-normal couples, the hunter actually 'serves' the hunted). But, I digress.

But all this just makes it all the more interesting. If you eventually win her hand, you would always remember that you worked for it, worked hard to inspire her confidence and then hopefully you would be determined to make good your promises.

You may be thinking that if she continues to remain undecided, you may need to ram up the pressure; get her father some bags of money and have him deliver her into your arms or anonymously deposit some money into her siblings’ accounts with a reference; 'buy that I-pad I know you want'.

Or you may take her forcefully; at gun- point or more appropraitely tell the whole world that she has slept with you when she doesn't even know if you have six packs or not.

If you do that, it would then become clear to her that you really do have a perverse way of expressing your love. Because of a burgeoning self awareness, she would ask you for proof of your allegations. A blood stained bed which may be taken into the lab for DNA testing. Just like her finger-prints, they are unique to her. But I digress again.

You won’t need to go that far if you are a true lover.

However way  it turns out, remember she chose you and can un-choose you. Divorce laws are getting  pretty  lax. See Gbagbo and Mubarak. But I digress yet again. Darn!