Thursday, November 18, 2010


And God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”

This is one of the most quoted verses in the Bible. It is quoted only in reference to , perhaps marriage.
But could there have been a deeper and more far reaching idea in the mind of God when he said that, that for the first time something was 'not good'? Could he have meant that it is simply not good for Adam to dwell in that garden alone without someone of his kind, someone to serve as a sounding board for his dreams, and it need'nt be always a wife? 
This is why I say this. I think you need me to feel good.

Did you ever read a facebook status or note or look at a picture and didn’t first read my comment before writing yours?

Do you see how sad you are when you  organise parties and I do not show up , and when in fact too many people show up, you  complain about it only in a mildly irritated tone, and for someone that is supposed to be piqued, you tell so many people about it?

Does it happen that it won’t ever mean a thing to you if GEJ came to visit you in the dead of the night, when I was asleep,  and left stealthily by the backdoor without no one seeing him,  and you didn't even have an  opportunity  to take a picture on your blackberry and upload it,  so it’s up in my  face on my facebook wall?

Have you ever taken extra care to dress up and look good,  sometimes going as far as buying a new bag or earrings  just before you went for an event where you were sure to see me?

Does it  matter to you that your mother or father or husband come  to visit you at school dressed in their best clothes because you know I’ll be watching, when in fact it would matter much less, if they dressed in rags when you were with them at home?

Does it matter to you to throw a big birthday party for your one year old, with all the trappings of your peculiar economic circumstance;  party packs, bouncy castles, souvenoirs including buckets and flasks when  your one year old will sleep half way through the event, of course,  just because I’m coming?

Does it matter  to you , that I see you  making those steps,  looking like you’re succeeding,  looking like you never fail.

So in the case of the facebook commenting, you look at mine first before writing yours, because you want to write yours in the context of mine. You instantly assess the level of my intelligence, and you write yours to match it,  or if within your power, top it!

In the case of your parties, you need me to be there to celebrate you, to see how well you’re doing,  or in some cases how much you have ,  or maybe how well you’re able to allocate your lean resources to produce an illusion of wealth and worthiness (thereby becoming a member of the party with the slogan ('It’s not about how much you have!')

In the case of GEJ’s visit, you need me to see you with him, and/or see the picture,  because if I wasn’t there and you told me, I might not believe you, and even if I was there, I may later deny, so that’s where the picture comes in.

You take extra care to dress up, because you want me to think of you as beautiful, as lovely , and more fundamentally, simply as being capable of dressing up!

You are willing to place your mother or father on the altar of your personal ego,  sacrificing them to feed your  desire for my silent validation. You want them to look their best and be smart and be cool. It doesn’t matter that you think less of these things when  I’m not there.

And as for your one year old’s birthday party, you will need me to be able to say you threw a hot party! The child doesn’t know and doesn’t care and just wants to sleep or smear the ten thousand naira Winnie the pooh cake all over his face.  No! You say, "Aunty is here!"

So you see, you need me.

But don’t need me too much.

Feel free  to be yourself because I am myself.  Those times when you think I’m looking, I’m simply looking – at myself,  thinking you’re looking.

Feel free to be yourself,  and fail when you have to,  because I fail too.  I’m failing right now in not letting you know just how much I need you, even as you need me.

Feel free to be yourself because I am afterall not your God, but a fellow product off the assembly line. I may have come off first, or you first, but we still are products off the line.  I may have been made to write,  you to sing, but our shared sense of worth is in our Maker. The worth of a Sony freezer or stereo is just that. It's Sony!

You need me to feel good because I can challenge you to do better,  to speak better,  to live better.  And that is in fact what I want.

You need me to feel good only when I confer on you the empathy that comes from a shared heritage, a common struggle, a mutual destiny.

You need me to feel good.  I need you to feel good. Let's meet ourselves halfway!


  1. We all live in context of one another, yet the statement "it is not good for man to be alone." means "not to have fellowship" afterall, the animals were all around him, that said, marriage is one of the most intimate forms of fellowship to man/woman

  2. Of course, you're right, marriage is indeed one of the most intimate forms of fellowship to man/woman.
    My aim was to potray that we need the fellowship of others, because Jesus and Paul who didn't marry needed people and were needed by others. Jesus , for instance had his 12 disciples and a host of others and Paul , all the many labourers who worked with him.

  3. I like this piece...very realistic.
    "I need you you need me, I need you to survive..." That's just the way it is.
    Nice one Berry...I desire to know you better...and your works.

  4. @Paul Advocate, thanks friend, and you can read all the other pieces on this blog. Cheers!


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