I represent something to ChooChoo- belonging, security, strenght, solace, everything that speaks of a never dry fountain of love; reminding him of my breasts where he sucked at ( although he stopped far too early)
I was leaving for work today, and I tried to sneak out without saying anything to him. Sometimes his nanny carries him and escorts me out of the gate while I wave at him, my heart tugging as I behold his big teary eyes.
But this day, I felt I could do without the drama, and I tried to leave, but I under estimated him and his errr....acute awareness of his mommy's activities. I think he smelt my perfume and looked up just in time and the scream was ear piercing. I looked back and I was hooked. I can't just walk away, can I? This is after all the person that filled me up, cell by cell, round and round my middle until I was turgid like a satchet of 'Pure water'!
I went back to him and carried him up and I kissed him. He stopped screaming and laid his head on my shoulder. I meant to do this for about a minute, but we were still there after three. I tried to hand him over to the nanny, but he wouldn't just let go. He held on to my shirt with his tiny fists and just wouldn't let go.
'Tiny' must give you an impression of tiny strenght but I can assure this was far from the case. The grip was strong and manly and all that could be done was to force my fingers in and pry his open, but even that took a while. When I eventually succeeded and picked up my bag to go, I looked back to him and I saw his eyes. It said 'Are you really going to leave?'
And this my friends is the image that stayed with me throughout the day..
My heart is breaking in smithereens ... Juvenile muse...I'll be back soon...